I’m all about personal power. For me, personal power is feeling good about who you are, living a life of your choosing (having fun) and feeling free to be the person you are (no matter who likes or doesn’t like it) – living authentically.
I live authentically now but that wasn’t always the case. The smothering of my authentic self began with the clothes I wore. I’ve always loved clothes, fabric, design and colour. As a child I spent a lot of time dressing up and coming up with creative designs (at home). So if I had my way I would have dressed as I pleased. Or at least been able to show some personality.
Can you imagine how I felt being a child who loves colour, clothes and creativity when my mother insisted I wear a uniform to school? Blah! Awful. Not me at all. I did fight her on it but she wouldn’t back down. It was a black uniform worn with a white starched blouse. See the pic? This wouldn’t have been half as bad if it had been school policy, but it wasn’t. I was the only kid wearing a uniform.
To say that the uniform was restrictive is an understatement. I couldn’t play like the other kids and I stood out – not exactly in a good way.
Like most of us, I grew up being told how to behave and what to think. When you are raised to follow the rules and do what you’re told, it carries through all of your life. I learned to be a people pleaser. For years I continued to attract people who wanted to tell me who I should be. One of those people was the man I married (no, we’re no longer married) he had ideas of who I should be as well – ideas that didn’t jive we me at all. I think realizing this was one of the pivotal points of my life.
It was during this time that I went to school to become a seamstress. This was wonderful, like a dream come true. In the few years following I took courses in style and learned makeup application. I became so good at creating an impeccable image that I created another uniform – a uniform of being perfectly polished. This time the uniform was keeping me safe. You see, I had made some changes but not enough. I still didn’t feel strong enough to say what I really felt or express my true self. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had created a new image but it was an image of what I thought I was ‘supposed’ to be, not who I really was. I thought this was how I ‘should’ look.
Wow, was I wrong! It was destroying my credibility and my personal power. The day I realized that everything changed. I changed. I let down my guard. People started to notice. Friends who hadn’t seen me in awhile saw something different but couldn’t name it. Why? Because the change was on the inside. By the way, I still am perfectly polished, however, this time it’s the real me. When this change started to happen, it began with me starting to notice how I felt, and I usually felt like I was walking on egg shells and it wasn’t comfortable . When the discomfort got bad enough I noticed. I noticed enough to look for help. With the help of my coaches (I would probably never have seen this myself)I was able to see where I was stuck. I wasn’t being the real me (although I thought I was) and because of it I wasn’t getting what I really wanted. I had been living that way for so long I didn’t know the difference, I only knew I was uncomfortable. Now, I feel great. I feel so blessed to have found this joy and happiness that I want to pass it on. I want you to feel your best too!
I want you to Show Up and Show Up Powerfully!
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